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  By rules, I do not mean the actual do's and don't's, but rather, I am referring to the prompts the school sets up in order to fulfill its goals as an academic institution. I did not respond to those prompts the way the school had intended for me to respond. I did not respond as intended because I did not understand the point in doing so. Let's take an essay question as an example of a kind of prompt. While I always understood what I was meant to learn from answering a particular question, I was never quite able to do so because what I was meant to learn rarely seemed to satisfy what I thought I needed to learn. I required immediate answers and did not trust that answering the assigned questions would, in time, help me along the path to understanding. 
 
  Instead, I chose to take what I considered to be a purer path. I followed my heart. I followed my passions. I only did what felt right to me. I only did what was immediately gratifying. And while every aspect of the high school regime relentlessly tugged me away from following this personal path, often confusing, disheartening, and depressing me, I did not stray from it for the better part of three years. I thought I was taking the higher road. I thought I was living the ideal meshing of the personal and the political. 
 
  In his essay "Dulcis Est Sapientia," David Gray points out that the mind does not register, or does not make sense of, information where it is not accompanied by another factor, a will to understand....[B]y making sharp divisions in what knowledge we consider 'useless' or 'useful,' we set up barriers; we put on intellectual blinders which keep us from steering off the familiar one-way track to understanding. (3) 
 
  He suggests that while he is perfectly capable of learning Swahili, he would never be able to because it does not seem useful to him: "I can see no connection between Swahili and any other knowledge I have." 
 
  Gray is pointing out that learning requires a will to learn, and that this will derives from the degree to which we can relate the prospective knowledge to knowledge we already have. He argues that "education should stress the context of ideas above the mere presentation of facts." He would have liked to use me as an example. My education history is a case in point. I only truly learned when I could connect my learning to myself, to my own personal agenda. However, where Gray would see my experience as cause to re-orient the way education approaches students, I also see it as cause to re-orient the way students approach education, and in the larger sense, to re-orient the way people approach the world. 
 
  Gray is pushing to make learning a more natural, and thus easier and more enticing, process, for students. And while this goal is a valiant attempt to draw people more into education, a much needed action, it also makes students lazy. Because, while we may be able to bundle education into a cuter and cuter package, we cannot do the same to our surrounding environment. Teachers can help students make connections, but once in the real world, students must perform this task themselves. And this task does not come naturally; it requires work.
This revelation came to me recently when I found myself immersed in my passions but only understanding them minimally. Having followed my heart, I landed this fall at film school. In a directing class, my professor casually asked me what the theme was of one of my favorite scripts, and I found, much to my embarrassment, that I didn't quite know it exactly. In fact, I couldn't communicate very well at all what it was about, the script that I loved so much. I had eaten up its surface meaning. Unfortunately, and embarrassingly enough, this scenario seems to be part of a trend. I understand very little about those things which I am most passionate about. I am not very versed at putting my passions into words. This habit of mine is of particular concern when considering film as a medium of pop culture. Too often we absorb meanings of popular culture without ever knowing exactly what meanings we have absorbed. 
 
  Furthermore, only following my heart, only learning when I could relate new knowledge to previous knowledge, limited me from learning for learning's sake. In Walker Percy's essay "The Loss of the Creature," he argues that a tourist can never really 'see' the Grand Canyon as it really is, because his or her vision will be tainted by pre-existing expectations. Similarly, in Jane Tompkins' essay "Indians," Tompkins, in her desperate search for the most valid account of the history of the American Indians, dismisses every one, ultimately not 'seeing' any of them. In "Looking for a Lost Dog," Gretel Ehrlich comes to realize that in her search for her dog, she misses experiencing her journey. In each case, the subject, in looking for something in particular (the Canyon as expected, the real history of the Indians, the dog), misses seeing what is right in front of them. 
 
  Similarly, in looking at new knowledge only as it related to old knowledge, I missed out on seeing the knowledge as it stood on its own. I saw it only as it related to my immediate state of mind to my immediate place on my personal path. The same "familiar one-way track to understanding" that Gray wants to tap into locked me inside of it, blocking a clear view of the outside world. I evaluated all new knowledge in terms of its usefulness to my understanding of myself. I saw each piece as a prospective answer to my personal pondering; if the piece did not offer some sort of resolution, I dismissed it as being irrelevant. 
  
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